Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Craft Time: Make A Thanksgiving Day Chocobo Hat

It’s 4pm on Thanksgiving Day. You’re probably stuffed with turkey right now, or in the process of stuffing yourself with turkey, or still waiting to stuff yourself with turkey. (If you ate ham, get the hell out of here.) You know what that means? It’s time to make hats! Making turkey hats is an old Thanksgiving tradition. It’s not hard to see why; turkey hats combine two of our favorite things: food and fashion. Hats also make your head look bigger, which will convince people that your brain is huge. People who wear hats are often the life of the party. Need proof? Check out this picture of Spock. Boy what a boring guy. Now, what if we throw a hat on him? Instant party animal! You too can be this guy. But instead of making the traditional Turkey hat for Thanksgiving, why not make a hat using gaming’s first bird: the Chocobo. Read on to find out how. Making Chocobo hats is a fun family affair. It’s also practical. If that annual post-meal brawl breaks out, you’ll already be armed with scissors. Here’s what you’ll need to get started: Construction paper (all colors) Scissors Glue (edible) The unspoken disgust of your older cousins Kenny Loggin’s Top Gun Soundtrack Begin by cutting a piece of yellow paper into a large circle (don’t worry it can’t feel anything.) This is what a circle looks like: Next, cut out a beak and some eyes. Here is what you’re aiming for: If your uncle begins screaming about how his ex-wife wrecked his boat or your nephews start a backyard wrestling match in the living room, crank up Kenny Loggin’s "Danger Zone" and shut out the sound of smashing dishes. Next: putting it all together. Families can be hard. Is your mom screaming at you to take out the garbage? Is your Dad yelling at you, because he doesn’t want you to cut off all the cat’s hair? Is some old man complaining that you broke into his house and stole his war bonds? Ignore them. They don’t understand you. You’re an artist. You need those war bonds to make your Chocobo hat. It’s time to put the whole thing together. Glue your beak and eye to your circle and then affix the whole Chocobo head to another piece of paper (or war bond) and wrap it around your head. Feel free to add a few little extra details to your hat. Really make it your own. Add some extra tuffs off hair or a ruffled brow. If your Chocobo is filled with friendship and magic, add some glitter. If you’ve followed our instructions carefully, you should end up with something like this: *Results may vary There you have it. You are now free to experience the true joys of Thanksgiving. Throw away the unused scraps of paper (ignore their cries for mercy; they weren’t good enough to make the cut.) Now, go have some pie and hug your grandma – not only will she be freaked out by your new hat, she’ll won’t know what to make of this random affection. And remember, if you get bored later, you can always make Chocobo hats for your pets.
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    Ousted Cambridge Analytica CEO can't run another company for seven years

    Chief Executive of Cambridge Analytica (CA)Alexander Nix, leaves the offices in central London, as the data watchdog is to apply for a warrant to search computers and servers used by CA amid concerns at Westminster about the firm's activities. (Photo by Dominic Lipinski/PA Images via Getty Images)

    Cambridge Analytica’s former CEO has been banned from running another company in the United Kingdom for seven years. 

    “Effective from 5 October 2020, Alexander Nix is disqualified for seven years from acting as a director or directly or indirectly becoming involved, without the permission of the court, in the promotion, formation or management of a company,” the UK Insolvency Service wrote in a statement announcing the ban. 

    Nix previously served as CEO of Cambridge Analytica, the data firm that used a personality quiz to harvest information from millions of Facebook users, which sparked government investigations in the US and UK. He was ousted as CEO shortly after the UK’s Channel 4 published the results of an undercover investigation that showed Nix describing how his firm would entrap politicians and sway elections. 

    The Insolvency Service said that its investigations confirmed the companies run by Nix, including Cambridge Analytica, had offered “unethical services.” 

    “The unethical services offered by the companies included bribery or honey trap stings, voter disengagement campaigns, obtaining information to discredit political opponents and spreading information anonymously in political campaigns,” the statement says. 

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